(no subject)

[badtotheclone]

Cass is furious with me and I don't blame her. I'm a mess and possibly going to die soon and I just left her. I'll go back and see her later, but not until I know more about how quickly my condition is deteriorating. The full scars and pain came on overnight so I know that it's faster than when it first happened.

I can think of only one person who might be able to help me. Or at least one person who might that I trust. I hate to bring her into this but I don't want to die and I don't want to kill people because I go crazy. I deserve to die, that's true, but not at the risk of others.

So I sneak into Gwen's appartment and I wait, hoping she doesn't take too long. I have the suit on because it's the only thing that fits now that I've grown and it's less likely to freak her out than my fucked up face. I take the time to write down everything I remember about my condition, everything I or all the scientists I paid or threatened discovered about it.

It's a surprisingly large amount of information and a small part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to save me.

Comments

[makeithome]

It hurts to look at him like this and know it's just going to get worse. If Gwen needs any inspiration to push her through to the cure they need, it's this. She can't just watch something like this happen to her friend.

"Then we'll just have to move fast," she says. "All of us. Is that part of the... the degeneration? The flashes?"

[badtotheclone]

"Yes," I say with a nod as I pull my mask back on. Part of me thinks it would be better to keep it on, so that she can see that I'm really a monster and she should stay away from me but I have a feeling that wouldn't work. That and if I'm honest, I don't want her to think of me as some disfigured freak, even though I am.

"My abilities are going into overdrive. I'm faster and stronger than I was even before," I say, standing up so she can also see how I'm nearly six and a half feet tall now. "The precog flashes are my Spider-Sense ramped up."

[makeithome]

Gwen's not entirely sure she even knows the extent of his abilities — it occurs to her now she's not even fully certain of how fast Peter can go, of how strong he is. But she knows enough to understand that this is bad. She trusts Kaine, cares about him, but with what she remembers of what he told her about last time, she has to wonder how long they have before she won't be able to trust him. He's big and strong and fast on a normal day. Multiply that and throw in madness, and they're going to have trouble.

It's brave of him, she thinks, to keep his head like this when he's probably scared. But she knows better than to say so.

Picking up the notes, she nods. "That makes sense," she murmurs. She glances up. "I'll find it. Whatever it is, whatever we need to reverse this, I'll figure it out. In the meanwhile... please try to stay safe."

[badtotheclone]

"I will."

I feel a tiny bit of hope flourish, but I crush it. I can't hope, I can't because that will just make it worse when nothing comes of it. Nothing against Gwen's abilities, she's brilliant, but I'm too scared to get my hopes up. I know it's a lot of pressure on her and a huge disruption to her life but I don't want to die. Not like this.

"I haven't told Peter," I tell her. "If things get bad he'll try and stop me and... he won't be able to."

He won't be able to and I'm pretty sure that I would kill him.

[makeithome]

Even now, when the Peter here isn't her Peter, it's Gwen's instinct to protest and defend his abilities. Peter might be their best hope, she wants to say.

But she doesn't know. She can't be sure, and she trusts science more right now.

"Do you want me to talk to him?" she offers. "I mean, he would try whether he's been told or not."

[badtotheclone]

"If you want," I tell her. "I'm not going to dictate what you should and shouldn't do. I trust your judgement."

I just hope that it doesn't get Peter killed. I'd say that I don't want him to die but I know that a part of me probably wants to. That's the part of me that I'm worried will come out.

[makeithome]

Gwen nods. It's something she'll have to mull over. Peter should probably be warned, but on the other hand, if she tells him too soon... Well, he's not the Peter she knew, but he's close enough that she can guess he'll head right on into danger no matter what she says. Timing is going to make the difference here.

"Thanks," she says. He wouldn't have come to her if he didn't, but it still means a lot to hear. "Does Cass know what's happening?"

[badtotheclone]

"She does. I'm trying to avoid her though because... I don't want to hurt her. She's kind of furious about it but I can't- I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her."

I don't know what would happen if I killed the woman I love again. Probably find someone to put me out of my misery, which is actually my next stop.

[makeithome]

It's strange, unreal, even to think of. Cass is so strong and tough, and Gwen knows Kaine really cares about her. That he might hurt her is hard to process.

She trusts him, though. He knows what all this means and how it plays out. Her job is to step in before it goes too far. "Then we'll make sure you don't," she says. "I'm gonna grab my stuff and head over to the lab to get started. How do I contact you if I find something? Will you have your phone or what?"

[badtotheclone]

"I will," I say with a nod. At least for a while I will, until I get too paranoid to carry it around. Still, if I'm trusting that she can possibly create a cure then I should make myself available. I'm almost afraid to hope for that though.

"And Cass will probably know how to find me. Even if I do try to stay away from her."

[makeithome]

Gwen smiles a little at that, nodding. That sounds about right. "Okay," she says, and takes a deep breath. This will be tough, very much so, but with the notes and samples he's given her, she has a good head start. They can beat this thing. "If you think of anything you left out, let me know. And stay safe. As much as you can."

She doesn't need to lose anyone else.

[badtotheclone]

"I will," I say, although it feels like an empty promise. I have no guarantee that I can stay safe at all, but I will try. The people I care about deserve that at least.

"You too, Gwen," I tell her as I head to her window to duck out. "Your safety is more important to me than my own."

And on that note, I cloak myself and head out the window.