badtotheclone | (no subject)

Cass is furious with me and I don't blame her. I'm a mess and possibly going to die soon and I just left her. I'll go back and see her later, but not until I know more about how quickly my condition is deteriorating. The full scars and pain came on overnight so I know that it's faster than when it first happened.

I can think of only one person who might be able to help me. Or at least one person who might that I trust. I hate to bring her into this but I don't want to die and I don't want to kill people because I go crazy. I deserve to die, that's true, but not at the risk of others.

So I sneak into Gwen's appartment and I wait, hoping she doesn't take too long. I have the suit on because it's the only thing that fits now that I've grown and it's less likely to freak her out than my fucked up face. I take the time to write down everything I remember about my condition, everything I or all the scientists I paid or threatened discovered about it.

It's a surprisingly large amount of information and a small part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, she'll be able to save me.

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"She does. I'm trying to avoid her though because... I don't want to hurt her. She's kind of furious about it but I can't- I couldn't live with myself if I hurt her."

I don't know what would happen if I killed the woman I love again. Probably find someone to put me out of my misery, which is actually my next stop.

It's strange, unreal, even to think of. Cass is so strong and tough, and Gwen knows Kaine really cares about her. That he might hurt her is hard to process.

She trusts him, though. He knows what all this means and how it plays out. Her job is to step in before it goes too far. "Then we'll make sure you don't," she says. "I'm gonna grab my stuff and head over to the lab to get started. How do I contact you if I find something? Will you have your phone or what?"

"I will," I say with a nod. At least for a while I will, until I get too paranoid to carry it around. Still, if I'm trusting that she can possibly create a cure then I should make myself available. I'm almost afraid to hope for that though.

"And Cass will probably know how to find me. Even if I do try to stay away from her."

Gwen smiles a little at that, nodding. That sounds about right. "Okay," she says, and takes a deep breath. This will be tough, very much so, but with the notes and samples he's given her, she has a good head start. They can beat this thing. "If you think of anything you left out, let me know. And stay safe. As much as you can."

She doesn't need to lose anyone else.

"I will," I say, although it feels like an empty promise. I have no guarantee that I can stay safe at all, but I will try. The people I care about deserve that at least.

"You too, Gwen," I tell her as I head to her window to duck out. "Your safety is more important to me than my own."

And on that note, I cloak myself and head out the window.